Scenario where someone can't speak...

A Scenario in which a girl had to have her tongue amputated after it became infected from being pierced.

After a 10 hour shift going on 50, I blankly stare at the next customer. "What the hell is taking her so long?" I'm thinking to myself. She starts moving her mouth, no sound comes out. (Jesus, I need to get away from this damn place, I 'm going f-ing deaf!) The girl then starts jumping up and down trying to get her point across. EVERYONE, including the extremely hot sophisticated foreigner in the back left corner table stares at the scene. All I can think about now is how crappy I must look after a 10 hr shift and no make-up, instead of figuring out what the hell this lady wants. The hottie in the back left corner table starts walking up to the counter and I blush. My mind comes back to the costumer in front of me and she is frantically moving her hands in some horrible attempt at sign language. I know I should have followed the Starbucks employee guideline and wait on the costumer patiently, but instead I screamed, "SPIT IT OUT ALREADY!" The girl just stood there in shock and the sophisticated stranger threw his arms around her and said consolingly, "Come on baby, let's go to some place they don't hire from the psych ward."

Maria Mena - just a little bit

This song is completely amazing. I feel like it really describes a girls' insecurities to a tee. I couldn't find a video that I was in love with, but this one has some of the lyrics popping up so I figured it was the best of the bunch.

"You can't love someone you don't trust"

--I remember the day my friend Sheena called me up telling me Jason had called her wanting to hook up sometime. There was always something about him I could never let go though. It hurt to hear the rumors that he had cheated on me, but I knew it would hurt more to lose him, so I let it all go and pretended I was happy.
-As I lay down on the beach with Jason, he stares into my eyes and he tells me he loves me. His crystal blue eyes reflect in the sun and I never want to look away.
--I was happy once, like the first time I drove to Indiana to see him. I didn't get in 'till late so he had me sneak in the back door so I wouldn't wake his parents up. we were up all night and now that I think about it, it makes me sick to think that I gave myself up so easily.
-He gives me his smart ass smirk and changes the subject. I know I can't tell him I love him, too much has gone down to make me believe in fairy-tales.
--When I left his house at 5 this morning his mother was already up. My hair was so messed up that I threw my hood over my head. Jason told me later that when i left, she asked him if I was cold.
-But I decided a long time ago that this would be my fairy-tale as long as I could stand it. Jason starts talking about the Giants and how much he hates the colts, but my mind is mezmorized with his hands. He always knows exactly when and where I want him to touch me and I love it.
--I remember feeling so ashamed as I kissed him goodbye and walked to my car. I didn't feel right about what happened. We had sex before I met his parents. His parents heard a random girl having sex with their son.
-Right now he's tickling me and I can't stand it, but I never want him to stop. I never want to go back to reality; I want to stay here, hours from everyone else I know, just to be with him. In the back of my mind, I don't know how this will last. How can I love someone I don't even trust?
--The next morning I woke up in Sheena's dorm room scrunched up against her blinds because her 6ft long legs were stretched out across her twin size bed. Thinking back, I was angry with her because she had made me come back from Jason's when all I wanted to do is sleep in his water-bed forever. I had bruises all over my body from the heated night before. It hurt to stand up and my legs felt like jell-o. Later I called Jason from Sheena's phone because mine was charging. I know now that that was one of the worst mistakes I could've made. Sheena was far too promiscuous to give her your boyfriend's number.
-My mind is racing back and forth, I want to say the words so badly, but I wonder if I waited too long. he's going on and on about football and doesn't realize that not a single word has permeated my brain. Taking a huge gulp of sandy air I exhale and whisper, "I love you too."
--She was obviously listening to me when I was telling her how perfect Jason was. As soon as I left Albany that afternoon, she made sure to text him. I have never felt so betrayed by a friend as I did her. I know I shouldn't have blamed her for their conversations. She wasn't the one with a girlfriend. I couldn't stay mad at him though, I couldn't lose our relationship. I knew that if him and Sheena ever ended up actually hooking up I would never be able to look at him again. I asked him if he was talking to her and he told me he wasn't and to RELAX.
-"What babe?" I couldn't spit it out again so I only respond with a nothing. I couldn't be in love with him.
"You can't love someone you don't trust," I kept repeating to myself. I got up wanting to leave this perfect setting. Perfect wasn't my style, chaos was, and I had to get back to it.

A blog of feeling ~ Is it Just Me?

Have you ever felt lonely when you're in a room full of people? there's just this empty pit that starts in your stomach and ends at your throat.


Leaving his house in the morning....Taking that walk of shame to your vehicle, wondering why you gave yourself up.


When you go to a guy's/girl's place that you really like. you feel like you can't breath, your fingers are shaking...no..fuck fingers...your entire body is trembling. You work up the balls to get to the door and by then you have all you can do to hold your breath so you don't embarrass yourself. Sometimes, you even laugh because it's the only way you can inhale without being obvious.


Have you ever pushed emotional and/or physical pain back so far that you felt nothing?


After telling a lie...does your stomach engulf itself and make you feel guilty and want to cry?


When the man/woman of your dreams talk to you or calls you do you ever get this uncontrollable feeling that literally shakes your soul out of the rut it's been in?


When nothing is wrong, have you ever tried making up a conflict with yourself so you have something to feel instead of nothing...

This is what started out as my version of Mr. Dynamite

Soccer game today in Buffalo. I once had an uncle that lived in Buffalo. He was so racist that after an hour of trying to have a decent conversation with him, my mom said it was time to go. I HATE GOODBYES! Even on the telephone, I won't hang up until the other end of the line does. My ex boyfriend sucked at goodbyes. I'd wake up in the morning to leave, no kiss goodbye, no have a good day babe . . . NOTHING. Nothing kind of describes his feelings for me. If he gave a shit whether I stayed or left maybe we'd still be together today. People that know me best say that i have the mindset of a guy. There aren't many thing I'll say about my future, but one is that I'll NEVER be married or have kids. How ridiculous is that? . . . having a kid is like popping a midget out of your vagina...who seriously wants to do that? Pap smears really suck. Don't you hate it when the gyno's doing their thing in your muchacha, all the while asking you how school is going. School is such a waste of time. If kids don't want to learn about something, they NEVER will. I mean seriously, most of the people I know only study to pass the test that they're about to take in ten minutes. The day after the test, they have no friggen clue what they supposedly just learned. I got to thinking about Alzheimer's disease the other day and my first thought was sure....that would really suck...but....wow...life would be more of an adventure if you couldn't remember anything. Everyday you'd be meeting new people, doing new things....it's like a drink from the fountain of youth...sort of...isn't that what childhood is like?

We're in Rochester right now. When I lived in Massena, my next door neighbor had a granddaughter named Stephanie who's parents were from Rochester. Whenever Steph would visit, I'd tell her ghost stories that would freak us both out.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? I don't know what to believe...when we die....is that the end? Do the lights go off and you're just gone? Imagine nothingness....you feel nothing...see nothing... Makes you sick to your stomach doesn't it? My boyfriend keeps texting me. I'm so afraid of commitment it's not even funny. What are your greatest fears? The Dark? Being Alone? Spiders? Death? Being WITH someone scares the FUCK out of me. I know the only reason I haven't broken it off with boyfriend is because this man is gorgeous. I bet you're just as shallow as me...but you may never admit it. I guess I lied about commitment...I'm committed to basketball...even when I'm trashed and can't walk that's all I want to do. My girlfriends and I pre-game and go out dancing at least once a week. Lately when I drink, I get PISSED! I'm angry all the time and it makes me mad.

She was the kind of woman who...

She was the kind of woman who wiped my ass when I was a baby
She was kind of the woman who kicked my ass when I came home from a party
She was the kind of woman who felt so much but never said a thing
She was the kind of woman who quit her job at Alcoa to spend time with her kids
Shewasthekindofwomanwhomarriedanabusivehusband&nevercalledthecops b/c itwasour father
She was the kind of woman who put us to bed and stayed up for hours studying and crying
She was the kind of woman who hated being pushed around but let it happen for years
She was the kind of woman who was always there
She was the kind of woman that made us go to church whether or not we were on time
She was the kind of woman who loved to blast the radio & sing in the car with the windows down
She was the kind of woman who got into a fight with her mom and now they won't speak
She was the kind of woman who paid for everything and never anything for herself
She was the kind of woman who pretended to be so strong when everything was...

F
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: : : :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :N
: : : :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :G
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A P A R T . . .

The Walk

"Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now, cause you and I were never meant to be
I think you better leave; it's not safe in here,
I feel a weakness coming on

Alright then I could keep your number for a rainy day,
That's where this ends, no mistakes no misbehaving,
Oh, I was doing so well, can we just be friends,
I feel a weakness coming on.

It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yea,
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault

Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me,
Oh no, don't make it harder than it already is,
Mmm, I feel a weakness coming on.

It's not mean tot be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault

Big trouble losing control
Primary resistance at a criticle low,
on the double gotta ge tahold,
Point of no return one second to go,

No response on any level, red alert this vessels under siege,
Total overload, systems down, they've got control,
There's no way out, we are surrounded
Give in, give in and relish every minute of it

Freeze, awake here forever, I feel a weakness coming on

It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's nto meant to be like this, it's just what I don't need,
Why make me feel like this, it's definitely all your fault."


This isn't the video I was looking for...but at least it's the song...

Another one from Imogen Heap.

My thoughts:

I think many of us have been in this sort of position. When a friendship with someone starts to become more than we think it should be. This character is blaming the guy/girl for making them feel this way. The song indicates that the main character could possibly have a boyfriend/girlfriend already, and that's why it shouldn't be like that.

Definitely comment your thoughts about these songs, I might write more when it's not 2:40am