This is what started out as my version of Mr. Dynamite

Soccer game today in Buffalo. I once had an uncle that lived in Buffalo. He was so racist that after an hour of trying to have a decent conversation with him, my mom said it was time to go. I HATE GOODBYES! Even on the telephone, I won't hang up until the other end of the line does. My ex boyfriend sucked at goodbyes. I'd wake up in the morning to leave, no kiss goodbye, no have a good day babe . . . NOTHING. Nothing kind of describes his feelings for me. If he gave a shit whether I stayed or left maybe we'd still be together today. People that know me best say that i have the mindset of a guy. There aren't many thing I'll say about my future, but one is that I'll NEVER be married or have kids. How ridiculous is that? . . . having a kid is like popping a midget out of your vagina...who seriously wants to do that? Pap smears really suck. Don't you hate it when the gyno's doing their thing in your muchacha, all the while asking you how school is going. School is such a waste of time. If kids don't want to learn about something, they NEVER will. I mean seriously, most of the people I know only study to pass the test that they're about to take in ten minutes. The day after the test, they have no friggen clue what they supposedly just learned. I got to thinking about Alzheimer's disease the other day and my first thought was sure....that would really suck...but....wow...life would be more of an adventure if you couldn't remember anything. Everyday you'd be meeting new people, doing new things....it's like a drink from the fountain of youth...sort of...isn't that what childhood is like?

We're in Rochester right now. When I lived in Massena, my next door neighbor had a granddaughter named Stephanie who's parents were from Rochester. Whenever Steph would visit, I'd tell her ghost stories that would freak us both out.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? I don't know what to believe...when we die....is that the end? Do the lights go off and you're just gone? Imagine nothingness....you feel nothing...see nothing... Makes you sick to your stomach doesn't it? My boyfriend keeps texting me. I'm so afraid of commitment it's not even funny. What are your greatest fears? The Dark? Being Alone? Spiders? Death? Being WITH someone scares the FUCK out of me. I know the only reason I haven't broken it off with boyfriend is because this man is gorgeous. I bet you're just as shallow as me...but you may never admit it. I guess I lied about commitment...I'm committed to basketball...even when I'm trashed and can't walk that's all I want to do. My girlfriends and I pre-game and go out dancing at least once a week. Lately when I drink, I get PISSED! I'm angry all the time and it makes me mad.